Disappointing Expectations, Expecting Disappointments

To pull our expectations down because of the belief that less expectations create less disappointments--that is to unfairly devalue our human tendencies.

It is not right to keep ourselves from trusting people enough to believe that they can deliver.

Sure, we hear stories.

But, until how long would we attribute somebody’s hurt to an irrational expectation? Up to how low do we allow ourselves to pull our expectations down? Wouldn’t that result to an irreversible degradation of our standards, of our value? We will be less disappointed, sure, but we also will have dragged our value down so low, the things we uphold--and even our own selves--would not be worth anything anymore. All for what? For keeping away a little disappointment?

What is so terrible about disappointment anyway?

Isn’t it proof, at least, that we believed there was an Ideal that can be had? That at some point, before we learned of infidelities and betrayals of trust, it was unthinkable that we could possibly be let down; that it was unthinkable that love will not suffice.

If disappointment is proof of that, then shouldn't disappointment be valued?

If it isn't, shouldn't it be valued still if it jolts us awake from the false reality we may foolishly be creating around us?

Disappointment keeps in check what we think our place is in each other’s lives; it keeps us aware of our own participation in the connections we struggle to create, every day. It is a blunt reminder that life nudges us with, every once in a while: “Look where you’re heading…” So, we look up and heed the disappointment, no matter the cost.

Believing that less expectations yield less disappointments is taking the passive, quieter route and I don’t think we should always choose to be less passionate, especially when it comes to nurturing relationships.

Shouldn’t we create room for expectation, our own, and the other person’s, even though we make ourselves vulnerable to disappointment? Shouldn’t we say, “I am your friend and your expectations of me validate my place in your life.”?

The absence of expectations should be depressing and frightening.  

It is not wise at all to believe that we should create less expectations. Rather, it is a shameful scapegoat we find convenient at the moment when we should be asking for more. Believing that having no expectation saves us from hurting, is a tempting nook we discover when we are inconvenienced by love, into which we curl like a coward and where we wait until it is safe to emerge, so that we can walk away and pretend we are unscathed. 

I say we raise the expectations, and if they must, let the disappointments come, because we cannot always yield to the fear of being hurt, and settle for less than we ourselves dare to give.  

Can, Cannot and Everything in Between

Tonight, after rereading conversations and messages, I re-realized, for I have forgotten horribly, that we are always more than we are at any single point in our lives. We are more than our lousiest mistake or our most brilliant achievement. Our anger is not who we are; neither is our hurt, our grief or our pride. To be reminded of these, I have to pay dearly, but if only to acquire this wisdom, which cannot be hurried, I will be grateful. 

Tonight I am thinking about the capacity of our human soul. I am thinking not along the categories of Can and Cannot, but of the infinite possibilities that may fall in between—

Our capacity to endure

To wait, to hope, to accept, to let go

To destroy, to hoard, to deceive

To regret, to grieve, to hurt

To forgive

To stop

To try again, to remember, to forget, to imagine, to create

To give, to fight, to dream, to celebrate

To love

            To be happy, to be whole, to Become

            To Be.